Making It

What is making it?  When we look at the lives of those who have ‘made it’ in our society, we often find addictions of all kinds, stress-induced illnesses, and traumatic relationships.

I’m feeling better and better these days now that the way I have been living for nearly all my adult life has become so popular in America.

Other than during a brief marriage with a 2-income household, I have lived completely paycheck to paycheck, no savings, and relying on assistance from the kindness of strangers, friends, and family during crises or emergencies.

I am not an expert on the “law of attraction” or how to manifest what I envision, but I have noticed a few things over time.

1)  Grasping:  For some reason I cannot fathom, I have never grasped at the dream of owning my own home or living the “American dream.”  I suppose I figured I could make a home anywhere, and yet making the money home ownership required would be more stress than I could stand.  So this was never a priority for me.  Yet, fairly consistently throughout my life I have had offers ‘fall in my lap’ to live in some amazing homes.  The lesson here seems to be, the less you grasp, the more the universe brings your way.  (The inverse seems to happen with my experience with relationships – a topic for another blog).

2)  Nervous breakdown should not be required of success:  My first valuable lesson in pushing myself too far arrived at age 18 when I was on a music scholarship to a conservatory.  I was on track to have a lucrative music performing/teaching career full steam ahead.  How could I pass this opportunity?  The piano scholarship required me to accompany other instrumentalists with their final exams (juries on stage judged by faculty).  By the end of that year, I accompanied 6 people’s juries on stage in addition to my own, plus got straight A’s in all my non-music classes.  I had never before or since felt as depleted as I did after it was over, and a decision to leave that world changed the course of my life.  This is a lesson I seem to need to learn over and over, each time with a little less severity.  Every time I grasp at “success” – whether it be my 2 attempts at graduate school, the year I worked 4 part-time jobs after my divorce, or typing 70 hours a week to pay bills and still convince myself I am “available” to my child – I learn there is NOTHING worth destruction of self and relationships.  Now I am intent on making financial choices that balance something my heart really wants with something I don’t really need (music lessons vs. TV, or saving on food with food bank vs. funds for counseling/health).

3)  Debt:  Debt can be both karmic and monetary.  As a condition to marriage years ago, I filed for bankruptcy (before it was fashionable), and the bulk of my debt in my late 20s was from asthma medications uncovered by my student insurance.  Since then, I vowed to never allow credit debt balloon.  Then came a decade that contained birth of my child, a 3-lawyer prolonged divorce, 2 years of cancer treatment for my child, during which time I was unable to work for a year due to care-giving demands and moving 6 times.  At the point of my child’s life-threatening diagnosis, I had become cynical about humanity and my life’s progress.  Strangely, it took that level of crisis to show me a lesson that all will be provided when the need is great and that I did have many untapped strengths.  In many more ways than I want to illustrate in this paragraph, the Universe sustained us.  Thanks to loans from relatives, community fundraising, and working 2 jobs whenever I could, I made it through that period with my last $1800 in consolidated debt to be paid within the next 6 months!

On that note, here is a small creative way someone thought up to Occupy Wall Street:


About Erin W

A sensitive plant, bamboo strong.
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