Seeing the Open Window

Over my lifetime, I have been in some dark places in my outlook or my circumstance, but I have always been able to see an open window.   Somewhere between setting goals, dreaming future, and living gratitude (see zenhabits excellent post, How to Wait Less), there is an open window.

This year, I have swung between extremes:  Participating in life coaching about Dreaming Big Future, then crashing back to earth to focus on the day to day.  Sometimes re-entry is hard.  I cried for an entire day upon return from my first vacation in five years.  Now I am trying to keep an eye on the small open window that contains both the Big Dream and Nitty Gritty Now.

I have lived in the same place for 7 years.  It is an incredible place to be, and I will never forget it.  This may not seem extraordinary to anyone else, but it is for someone who moved 35 times between age 18 and 40.  And then just as I nested to raise my child, her illness forced many moves in a single year.  What I learned from all my moving, elective or forced, is my source of nomadic restlessness has more to do with a part of personality that only thrives when challenged by the new.

We all know “wherever you go, there you are,” and I always accepted others’ opinion that I was moving in order to attempt the illusion of self escape.  But now that I have been in one place long enough to reflect on this, I do not believe my motive is to be an escape artist.

The only time I am able to unleash the part of me that makes new friends with ease and exudes confidence is when I am faced with a new environment, new people, the “unknown.”  In essence, I grow.

The awareness that consistency and stability is essential solid foundation for a child is what keeps me in the same place.  The view from the open window is as soon as my child is less dependent, I plan to return to my nomadic ways because they are what allows me to become more me.  There may be beautiful and ugly things outside that window, but they are mine to discover.

 

 

About Erin W

A sensitive plant, bamboo strong.
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2 Responses to Seeing the Open Window

  1. Sharon says:

    I *sooooo* understand this.

    • Erin W says:

      : ) Sharon – Good to hear from you! We need to catch up one of these days soon. Post primary supporter status, I’m looking toward settling in Portland and launching from there.

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