We all have things we would like to change about ourselves. Mine is resistance to completion.
Five weeks ago I stated I would post a 4-winged Thursday series on topics in Ecopsychology, but the 4th wing is still in the draft pile and it missed not one but two self-imposed deadlines. Since I am not a prize-winning authority on ecopsychology, I am sure no one except me cares about these missed deadlines. But I care so much that I finally took a good hard look at my pattern of resistance to complete many things.
Why do I not complete things?
Answers the 3-winged butterfly taught me:
1) I have an inner drive toward daily balance and if I take on too much in a given day, I err on the side of moving toward the greatest priorities that need my attention. For example, organizing this week’s sleepover birthday party for my 13-year-old child and her middle school friends and working 50 hours takes precedence over much else. . . IF I want sleep. . . which is a priority I never let go of as a high form of self care.
2) Not completing something is a great excuse for self-flagellation. “How could you do this again??” “You never finish anything!” And depending on how many people are affected by your lack of completion, you stand a good possibility of being flagellated by them.
3) I do not expect success because I would rather not be noticed.
To help me consider how to change my habits using the 3-winged butterfly knowledge, this great blog reinforced my decision to have more self compassion as a way of healing this character impediment:
And my sister’s reminder to “always leave a light on for my creative spirit” is invaluable for someone who is a mother and also attempting to create anything. In fact, this blog is exactly a result of wanting to produce something separate from my child since I noticed every single sentence I spoke included my child.
And sadly, I still have my sister’s almost completed hand-crafted wedding blanket sitting in the corner of my room 10 years after I started it. Surely this cold winter day is a great excuse to work on it!