One Whole Split Soul

I am only one, but I am one. I cannot do everything, but I can do something. And because I cannot do everything, I will not refuse to do the something that I can do.
~ Edward Everett Hale (1822-1909)
2014 has been probably the most productive year of my life and also filled with the most grounding quiet.  Through meditation.  Walking.  Knitting.  Hiking.  Reflecting.
  • I published two small books.
  • I met beautiful souls, mostly online as that is where I mostly reside.
  • I learned about self-mentoring.
  • I learned in months of Eco-Art therapy courses how to understand Nature as Artist.
  • I set up shop to sell my handknits and completed more creations in the past 6 weeks while working full-time than I have in my entire life.
  • I participated in 6 OM healing/chant sessions and benefited from the healing sound energy.
  • I watched my daughter thrive in her sports, music and outdoor explorations.
  • I learned of an intentional community I would like to be a part of, even if the practicalities seem impossible.
  • I dove into two incredible solo day-long 10+ mile hikes, one in Oregon coastal old growth, another to and from Lost Lake near Bellingham.
  • I took nature photographs for the first time and relished that way of sharing what I experience in my nature-connected solitude.
  • I discovered a monthly group I can attend focused on themes close to my heart.
  • I experienced deep inner peace, awareness and clarity about my true nature.  I also experienced great grief over how I live and how few real alternatives I see in this moment.

On this final day of the year, my continuous soul split feels intensified.  Between the me that works to support heat, rent, food, health and car insurance for self and child by sitting at a computer screen moving fingers fast over a keyboard and foot over a foot pedal most waking hours.  And the me that spends an hour in the woods and feels my entire self disappear and become the wind in cedars, the gurgle of the stream, the deer, ferns, wrens, sparrows, spiders, mosses, lichens, sky and earth.

The image I have is of a person trying to walk forward with one foot on one path, the other on another.  The paths incrementally grow farther apart in distance, so going forward becomes impossible unless I run between two paths and carry on for short distances on each, or stay on one path 100%.  Or split in half.  Which is not viable for one whole soul.

A few 2015 intentions:

  • Do Foraging Fridays where I learn about a different edible plant each week.
  • Weekly meditation hour in sanctuary, whether anyone joins me or not.
  • Monthly group meditation with teacher.
  • Walk a 25-mile pilgrimage for a friend. Jan18Walk
  • Write down a concrete plan for my dream of walking coast to coast for half a year. . . whenever that may happen.  What my needs are, how I will meet them, how I will use the walk to raise funds for a charity.
  • Leave medical transcription after 22 years.
  • Continue to explore and research both knitting and nature connection as paths to healing from traumatic stress and develop workshops around these to share resources with others.
  • Finish all the required reading for the Nature Therapy Certificate program at http://www.sacredfuture.org and journal about my learnings in nature, but postpone entry into the program until I can pay for it without undue stress.
  • Reduce my dependence on plastics anywhere I can and pick up discarded plastic wherever I walk.
  • Explore NAET and insurance coverage for my severe animal allergies.
  • Find that 1:million place to rent that has not had a cat/dog in it prior and move.
Years of the Modern
by Walt Whitman
(1819-1892)
Is humanity forming en-masse? for lo, tyrants tremble, crowns grow dim,
The earth, restive, confronts a new era, perhaps a general divine war,
No one knows what will happen next, such portents fill the days and
nights;
Years prophetical! the space ahead as I walk, as I vainly try to
pierce it, is full of phantoms,
Unborn deeds, things soon to be, project their shapes around me,
This incredible rush and heat, this strange ecstatic fever of dreams
O years!

About Erin W

A sensitive plant, bamboo strong.
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