It took me eight years to start to dream again post trauma. And start turning those dreams into goals.
People can encounter “starting over” through any major disruption, whether voluntary or involuntary. People can feel they’ve lost “everything” through death, illness, accident, divorce, geographical move, partnership, job change, etc.
In my humble experience, when starting over is involuntary, setting goals and dreaming about a future you choose can feel mighty scary or at very least pointless. I mean, won’t the rug just be pulled out from under you anyway?
Experience of groundlessness is a fabulous moment for spiritual awakening of course, so that’s the goody that always come from it.
As I’ve been working toward goals the past two years, small and large, I notice a recurring theme that could make anyone throw in the towel. But I don’t. I’m whole and healed enough to hang in there and believe in my future and the future of my dependent.
Here’s the pattern:
I lay out a schedule to focus my energies almost entirely on earning money and creating abundance, because one of my goals is to create a buffer between surviving and thriving. I actually have learned the secret of thriving without more money, but a girl can still have goals. It feels important to me to help myself whenever I have an option to do so rather than continue to rely on others in huge ways, as I had to during trauma. In other words, people have given more than enough and I have gratefully received, but if I have a choice to stand on my own rather than hold a hand out, I choose that.
Then something happens like it did this week. I broke a tooth and now have dental expenses (despite dental insurance) that equal the exact cost of the buffer I have created through diligent work over the past six months.
It can be anything, a sudden car failure or unexpected child’s expense. This happens over and over again just like the broken tooth, precisely when I feel I am finally gaining ground toward many of my goals.
Here’s where Global Perspective helps big time.
I can choose to see the fact that I have earned precisely enough to meet each minor catastrophe as a miracle. I feel loved and supported by the universe.
Instead of focusing on the fact that if I lived in a country with better health insurance and health costs I would not need to work as hard, I can focus on the fact that I have access to good dental care when the vast majority of people on the planet do not.
I can focus on the goals I have accomplished without impedance, like fundraising for, training for and completing a sanctioned full marathon. It was my 5th marathon training/fundraising attempt, but I finally completed it. So global perspective teaches me to acknowledge there are exceptions to Murphy’s law.
I will not give up.
May there be days like this.