After we take a thousand or more baby steps, suddenly breakthroughs in awareness can happen. These epiphanies can seem sudden, but they are built on all those micromovements behind it. One of these awakenings happened to me this week when I suddenly recognized that I felt at home in my body. For the first time in my adult life. I do remember having the sense of coherent body as a child, pre-life traumas, pre-adulthood.
Losing 40 pounds this year was not unique, as I’ve done something similar twice before, but this time it was about letting go of emotional eating and looking at physical health as a sort of math equation, a balance of activity and intake that can be harmonious, completely separate from emotions. And emotions can be observed and handled any number of different ways separate from food.
Feeling at home in the body can start at any point and not be connected to any specific weight, but for me the two coincided, having little to do with outward appearance and everything to do with harmony. The morning I woke up and realized my decades long feeling of wanting to crawl out of my skin any time I reflected on being inside a physical body was simply gone, I recognized a huge shift had happened. Lightness on many levels.
Then I considered applying whatever this flip was to other aspects of my life. I thought, can I flip any way of thinking? I started practicing with one of my biggest fears, something I’ve intuitively sensed my entire life.
“Monetary success means cloaking my true nature and being disconnected from the natural world.”
I started realizing that I do have a means to earn a living, and even if my media freelancing can seem nature disconnected, can be unpredictable in volume and requires me to be stationary in front of a screen rather than active outdoors, the freedoms I experience in being self-directed and self-employed are worth any negatives.
I try to think continuously about what I can do to honor Earth, to give rather than take. I have a vision of the way I’d like to live that is not entirely manifested yet, but for now I have to acknowledge some baby steps. I do not have a lengthy vehicle commute. This alone honors Earth. In lieu of commute time, I have freedom to continue my daily nature connection practice where I consciously focus on reciprocal relationship with any or many given elements in the natural world as well as attune my radar to the four directions. This freedom has to be taken into account as part of “success” for me.
After two slow summer months where I began to question finally giving up my work of 25 years completely and forge a new unknown direction, I instead sat and touched base with my spiritual “support” and asked for help and guidance. I asked to be shown a new way to earn a living and/or help remedying my present lack of ability to pay bills. Rather than forging which takes great effort, I allowed what happens to happen. Within one week, I was offered as much work as I could possibly want and in this particular week worked 90 hours in 7 days in order to achieve a specific goal.
I do not intend to sustain 90 hours a week of transcribing, nor is it physically advisable anyone do this. I do have to consider the fact that escaping injury while doing this feels like a miracle or at least spiritually supported.
Slowly I’ve begun flipping the idea I am lacking in abundance simply because of my income or having a somehow deficient relationship to money, and instead experience great happiness and love for my hands’ ability to do what they do, and the freedom I am able to build into every single day, even if for minutes, that allows me to keep connected to my true nature and the natural world where real prosperity lives.