Nothing to Get Right

Nature does not hurry, yet everything is accomplished.
~ Lao Tzu

Twice I have had spiritual awakenings, one traumatic, one sitting in a room alone meditating several hours a day over a long period. Everything drops away from the illusion of a “self” to the realization that I am individually nothing, primarily consciousness connected to all visible and nonvisible.

Adyashanti refers to awakening as “All that is necessary to awaken to yourself as the radiant emptiness of spirit is to stop seeking something more or better or different, and to turn your attention inward to the awake silence that you are.”

But I don’t think I was ready to know what I was shown. Because one awakening was followed by five years of P.T.S.D., and the other was followed by a period of complete dissociation where I felt less able to function and felt no choice but to drop the spiritual seeking I was doing temporarily in order to function in the realm of single parent supporting a child. Which suggests to me the latter wasn’t true awakening but rather the result of a dissociative meditation practice, because true spiritual awakening must be compatible with nurturing relationship and ability to function. Or not? Is this why part of spiritual training for nuns and monks includes disconnection from distraction of primary relationship?

February was an intense month in which I received what I call “spiritual downloads” relating to following “truths” I was shown:

  • Time does not exist
  • I am primarily a continuum of consciousness, conduit inside a physical vehicle
  • I do not want to be taking up oxygen on Earth unless I’m serving others in some way, which is the continual “not enough” feeling I experience in my current actions so I need to work toward further alignment with that impulse – actions matching value.
  • My reciprocal connection with the natural world is more than just “observing beauty,” it is a supportive energetic exchange as ancient as humanity’s beginnings.
  • I am never alone. Spiritual energies exist to guide and assist, which may in fact be fragments of our higher selves, but may also be separate entities, whether we call them angels, spirit guides, sparks of intuition. Asking for their guidance can help us align our actions with that resonant core of our true being.
Times of transition are strenuous, but I love them. They are an opportunity to purge, rethink priorities, and be intentional about new habits. We can make our new normal any way we want.
~ Kristin Armstrong

I am headed for a big transition in about 15 months, and because I have advance warning of this transition from housing and child and everything I know in the physical realm, I am calling on spiritual guidance for assistance so that this time around I don’t need to experience years of P.T.S.D.

To that end, I am practicing daily spiritual work around dropping fear, combined with taking actions so that within a year I will have paid off debts related to my last vacation 5 years ago, car maintenance on my 19-year-old car, and healthcare costs, and am following every intuitive spark I can to “write my own movie script” for the next phase of my life, all balanced with the understanding that as much as I write that script, the Universe has a sense of humor and may decide to rip it to shreds and write a new play.

For now, each morning after I meditate on behalf of every sentient being, I take a few moments to exist inside a sensory map of my own living space and work life I want to manifest, just in case the Law of Attraction really exists. I want to cover my bases, because if it doesn’t, I’ll live in fear about the perceived barriers that I fall into the camp of 46% in my county that qualify for “rent overburdened” status but low-income housing is not currently taking new applications and that 99% of house rooms to rent are unavailable to me due to my silly immune system that hospitalizes me in environments where dogs and cats live.

Inside my sensory map, I live somewhere in the PNW, feel relaxed, at ease, energized, at home in my small living space, able to go out from that grounded base to do work where half my time is outdoors involved in nature work with others, and half in a new way with something like a freelance job I learned of a week ago that allows me to use my 25 years of transcription experience to benefit people in a more direct way while continuing life-long learning.

(This post’s title comes from this week’s card I pulled in what I use as an Oracle deck, my BuddhaDoodle cards. I pull a new card whenever I feel work on the current one is complete.)

About Erin W

A sensitive plant, bamboo strong.
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