This week I stumbled upon a documentary on M theory, Membrane theory or “superstring theory.” A flash of recognition: “Hey, this is precisely the truth I grasped in 2005.”
The thing that gets me is, how many times do those of us who receive information we don’t know what to do with are labeled “mentally unstable” or our knowings dismissed by ourselves or others because we aren’t able to articulate our wisdom in ways that those with higher education can?
In a moment of what I’ve come to call spiritual download, while sitting at my daughter’s bedside when she was rapidly decompensating during an episode of septic shock during her cancer treatment, I received a clear directive, “A membrane separates this and the next reality; she will be okay no matter what.”
I was able to find this paragraph from a real-time journal entry from 2006 where I describe in the most general way the truth I was shown. I was shown a more complex vision but could not articulate it past the moment of download:
I have come to believe strongly in the energy of prayer and staying connected to Source. I don’t believe the channel of that source connection matters, I only know the connection is important. As I have started praying more and keeping my connection open to Source, I have seen manifested results in my life I cannot explain any other way than the fruit of this connection. When I reflect on the times my daughter came close to leaving, and being around other children who passed, I have an image of life and death being separated by a membrane. Somehow that membrane seems most porous when we are connected with Source.
Now, I don’t have a degree in physics, only went as high as basic statistics in math, and truly don’t understand quantum physics beyond a rudimentary intellectual level. But I know with every fiber (or membrane) of my being that membranes are what separate dimensions and realms of existence. A few googles later, and it turns out M-theory was first proposed in 1995 at an international conference on string theory, and in 2005 this man gave a TED talk best explaining it to us who are not physicists.
A few bits from that 2005-2007 old journal that demonstrate how we all exist in different realities even in the same dimension:
To illustrate the vast chasm between a mother’s anxiety about all the “what ifs” and the 6-year-old’s reality, here’s a little snippet of conversation from yesterday.
Doctor: “(Daughter), do YOU have any concerns?”
(Daughter): “Yeah. . . the TV in this room is not working!”
Lessons in Resilience
She got a finger poke for blood and her platelets did not clump this time, so they didn’t have to draw from her arm and keep trying. She says it was because “I told those platelets to get movin’!” ~ 2007
For the finger poke, (daughter) told the lab tech, “I’ve had one million 500 of these before, so I don’t even need to cry.” ~ 2007
Glad that phase of my life is behind me and my daughter, but I will continue to look back on that time period as my most profound spiritual awakening. Just as a spiral moves around and around at higher levels, I hope to continue progressing in some way understanding more and more of what being here in this laboratory of life shows me. Right now, it’s a bit of a muddle. I can see the matrix grid of which I am a part as far as my current circumstances for what they are: That I co-create the matrix, that I can see what I’d like to change, that I know I want to work toward greater freedom of movement, greater growth, greater service, but I’m at a loss of what steps to take or how to get to the next level of that spiral. It feels like every move I see requires something I do not have and what I do have does not allow me to progress.
Video taken during a 24-hour period I saw 10 bald eagles recently in response to me asking to be shown a sign of what steps to take. They certainly know how to ride the thermals of the spiral.